What is an ideal wife?
If you obey your husband without scrutiny then you’re as good as a programmable toy.
Wife is Sahdharmacharinii. If you’re NOT helping your husband to uphold Dharma then you’re a failure as a wife. If you’re an OBEDIENT WIFE of a thug then you’re NOT an ideal wife.
Sita was a loving wife NOT an obedient wife.
Rama came to Sita and told her that this is all that happened and he has to go to forest immediately. Rama ordered her to live the 14 years serving the elders and practicing penance. Sita says she will come with him and serve him in the forest. But Rama objects and says the forest is very dangerous and she would have a hard time there.
Sita avers
''O Rama, bestower of honor, you have the power to protect any other person in the forest. Why then not me? You need not doubt that I can survive on nothing but fruit and roots; I shall not cause you any trouble by living with youere it for a hundred thousand years! If I were to be offered a place to live in heaven itself, Raghava, tiger ´among men, I would refuse it if you were not there'' (1)
Sita persists
''With tears trickling down her face, she answered himin a faint voice. “Do you not know that what you call the hardships of life in the forest would all be luxuries if your love accompanied them?'' (2)
When Rama was adamant then Sita even reviled Rama with harsh words. Contrary to popular belief Sita is NOT only sacred cow but also LIONESS princess and when even harsh word was effete then she started crying after hugging Rama
Then Rama says
na dEvi tava duhkhe na swargamapyabhirOchumEOh Princess! If you cry, even swarga is not pleasing to me.
Rama had to withdraw his ordinance and Rama said
tava sarva mabhiprAyamavignyAya subhAnanEvAsam narOchayEranyE sakthimAnapi rakshanE
Even though I am capable of protecting you in the forest, it's not good to order you to come to the forest with me without knowing your strong opinion.
This is required because already the world has criticized Rama very well for his deeds towards Sita in the name of women abuse, but Rama has at every place tried to show Sita's greatness and after every incident, Valmiki reveals the reason lucidly
sAhidhistAna vadyAngI vanAya madhirEkshan Eanugucchasva mAm bhIru saha dharma charI bhava
Now Sita, come along with me and become my dharma chArin
The theme of this episode cues that the prime directive of a wife isn't to obey your husband but to be co-persuader of Dharma. Wife and husband should farm their life with love. They should differentiate problem, sadness and other hurdles in their life.
Sita was even given the proposal to rule Ayodhya (3). Even that couldn’t stop her from her way. Sita was NOT an obedient wife but a loving wife.
She scrutinized Rama decision every so often. The most popular is her ethics about killing demons in a unilateral war. When Ravan threatened to kill her then she is mulling what will happen to Rama if she is killed. What will happen to Kausalya? It is a commendable thing to mull over other when you are in a mess.(4)
Sita’s valor and generosity- an ideal Queen
She was preserving her Tapa which she needed badly but she used her Tapa to save Hanuman. It is NOT easy to lose Tapa to protect someone when you need that badly for your own protection. She lectured Hanuman about his OUTLANDISH pursuit to carry her citing strategical fallacy in his proposal. It is a long debate and you can read it here. Hanuman didn’t take her advice and was caught by Indrajit and later Sita saved Hanuman. This episode also cues her wisdom and courage.
When Hanuman's tail was lit, the rakshasas started displaying him in the streets of Lanka. Sita heard the news and prayed to agni like this.
yadyasti pati susrUshA yadyasti charitam tapah yadivAtyEkapatnItvam sItO bhava hanUmatah yadi kinchidanukrOsastasya mayyasti dhImatah yadivA bhAgyasEshOme sIto bhava hanUmatah yadi maam vritta sampannAm tvam samAgama lAlasaam savijAnAti dharmAtmA sIto bhava hanUmatah
The last sentence in bold means: If dharmatma Rama knows that I am chaste, sIlavati and am waiting for his arrival, then O agnideva stay cold to hanuman. And due to this satya vachana, agni stayed cold to hanuman. The when hanuman found that agni was not burning him, he understood that,
.
sItAyAschAnrisamsEna tEjasA rAghavasyacha
This is the greatness of Sita who is the teja of Rama.
.
After he burnt lanka, he turned back and saw the whole lanka in fire and got disheartened that Sita might got caught in fire. Again he thought for a second and said to himself convincingly that,
.
athah chAru sarvAngI rakshitA svEna tEjasA nasishyati kalyAnI nAgni ragnau pravartate
Sita herself is an Agni who can save herself with her brilliance. How could Agni burn agni?
There is a reason all these incidents should be known before going to the final incident. One, we will have a complete understanding of the dharma in Ramayana.
There is a reason all these incidents should be known before going to the final incident. One, we will have a complete understanding of the dharma in Ramayana.
Sita’s wisdom; Sita‘s was a master of the first principle
Evidence 1: When Rama enter his chamber then Sita NOT only read his face like a book but also predicted the political turmoil.
'' And I see no eloquent panegyrists, bull among men, singing your praises in delight, no bards or genealogists with their auspicious recitation. Nor have the brahmans, masters of the Vedas, sprinkled your head and poured honey and curds upon it, as custom requires.No one wishes to follow in your train, not the officials, nor the heads of guilds in their finery, nor the people of the city and provinces. How is it the splendid Pushya chariot does not precede you, with its team of four swift horses with trappings of gold? I see no sign of the royal elephant, revered for its auspicious marks and resembling a mountain black with cloud '' (5)
Evidence 2: She is inquisitive to know why Rama alone shall raise the bow and arrows against some demons hurting some sages. These sages are having superpowers and Indra like celestial chiefs are coming to these sages to take them to heaven with their mortal bodies. Can't they eliminate these demons? But these super hermits are not going to heaven, which is the minimum ambition of any penance but requesting Rama to protect them from demons. And Rama obligingly started to wage this unilateral war, where any war requires a triggering point. Can't the super sages eliminate these demons, with their powers acquired by their penances?. Seetha's doubt comes true and she alone becomes the ultimate cause for Rama, to wage the final war with Ravana (6)
Evidence 3 Sita convinced Sarama to spy for her. (7)
Evidence 4 : Sita doubt again comes true when Hanuman misadventure got him caught.(I already explained it in detail)
I can go on and one but I think I have made my point.
We rarely discuss her wisdom and valor.
- Valmiki Ramayana Ayodhya Kanda Sarga 24 Princeton University Press
- Valmiki Ramayana Ayodhya Kanda Sarga 26 Princeton University Press
- Valmiki Ramayana - Ayodhya Kanda - Sarga 37
- Valmiki Ramayana - Yuddha Kanda - Sarga 92
- Valmiki Ramayana Ayodhya Kanda Sarga 23/10- 15 Princeton University Press
- Valmiki Ramayana - Aranya Kanda - Sarga 9
- Valmiki Ramayana - Yuddha Kanda - Sarga 34
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